14 February 2010
Life gets in the way
19/02/10 02:17
"Life got in the way"...
... every once in a while I say that line to myself...
... when I think about missed opportunities...
... ruined relationships...
... lost loves...
... distant friends...
... departed relatives...
... whether or not Jazz and Madu are still alive...
... the kids I want to have...
... the home I want to build...
... the woman I want to marry...
... trips I meant to take but never did...
... Australia... Fiji... Prague... Moscow... Costa Rica... San Francisco...
... all the other places that I can remember swearing to myself that I would one day return to yet haven’t for one reason or another...
...Vancouver... Victoria... Seattle... Chicago... Huntsville... Nice... Paris... Venice... Mortara... Wimbledon...
... things I meant to master but never did...
... things like languages... Spanish, French, Italian, Sign...
...various musical instruments... starting with guitar and piano... but also trumpet, violin, drums and whistling with my fingers... and pretty much anything that can make a melody...
... along with surfing...
... auto repair...
... painting...
... cooking...
... and chess...
... my mind always seems to have the one too many things up ahead to stay focused on the matters at hand...
... I have lived the majority of my adult life looking way too far ahead...
... or always looking back into the past... and letting life get in the way...
... what I’m starting to realize is that I have missed out (and am missing out) on much of my present...
... and it’s not so much that life got in the way...
... it’s that I’ve been so busy envisioning how I thought things were supposed to be...
...and how they used to be...
... that I’ve forgotten what it is to just be...
... lately it just seems to me that I have gotten in the way of life...
... and it suddenly feels like life is pushing me out it’s way...
... telling me that it must go on!!!...
... and it makes me think that that excuse, “life got in the way”, is a cop out...
... it’s just an easy way to say... I gave up...
... fuck! life is in everyone’s way!
... the ridiculous man/apparent confirmed bachelor/musician/dreamer/poet/bartender/drunk...
... the crazy woman/innkeeper/best friend/waitress/shrink/unfulfilled American beauty...
... the students...
... the lobstermen...
... the nurses...
... the lawyers...
... the contractors...
... the mothers and the fathers...
... the sons and the daughters...
... the holy ghosts... the dancing fools... the angry mobs... the hungry hearts... the brow beaten... the love struck... the young guns with the same old stories... the contemptuous suitors of precarious situations... the rabble rousers and those that have been roused by the rabble... the juxtaposed opposition... the manimals of the concrete jungles... the frequent flyers and the fallen angels... and everyone else in between!
... so I am officially writing off the saying... “life got in the way”...
... and just gonna say this...
“life is the way”...
and I think it’s time for me to get going:)